How To Write Really Bad Fiction and Enjoy the Benefits of Rapid Rejection
by Hank Quense

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Editor's Note: This is humor, OK? I say this only because I know that otherwise, I'm bound to get a perplexed e-mail from at least one reader asking, "But don't most experts suggest not using so many adverbs...?"

I'm an author of five books and over forty short stories, along with a number of fiction writing articles. From my experience, I've learned a number of important lessons and I want to pass them onto others. One important lesson involves getting a book published; it changes your life. No longer can you sit in your office and spend your time writing more fiction. Once you become a published author, you also become the book's marketing manager and its sales manager, a terrifying situation if you're not prepared for it.

To protect others from the trauma of this situation, I've put together a list of fiction writing techniques that will guarantee non-publication. Following them will ensure a rapid reply from editors who will use a preprinted form or a terse email. This rapid reply will allow you to maximize the rejections you receive in a given period of time.

Here is the list in no particular order:

Keep this list near your keyboard and refer to it frequently. Within a short time, your friends and family will be impressed by the huge stack of rejection notices you've accumulated. A side benefit is that your family will know you're really doing something in your office. Right now, they probably think you're goofing off and playing computer games.

Copyright © 2011 Hank Quense
This article may not be reprinted without the author's written permission.


Hank Quense writes humorous and satiric fantasy and scifi stories and novels along with an occasional article on fiction writing. His collection of short stories and novellas, Tales From Gundarland, has been short-listed for a Epic award. His latest novel, Zaftan Entrepreneurs, was released in January of this year. He is also the author of Build a Better Story, an ebook filled with advice and technique on writing fiction. The ebook is especially useful for new or inexperienced fiction writers. You can get more information on all these books at Hank's website: http://hank-quense.com/wp/

 

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